Processing emotions in a healthy way is important for anyone, but it is especially so for Chris

Processing emotions in a healthy way is important for anyone, but it is especially so for Christians as it directly impacts our own emotional maturity as well as our relationships with others.

One of the things that I have been learning over the past several years are healthy ways to handle emotions. It has been an area of tremendous growth.

Growing up in church I was taught that emotions were not to be trusted, that they do not count for anything. That certain ones are ‘bad’. Healthy ways to process emotions should be a key part of discipleship, but unfortunately it is not.

Repressed emotions can lead to a lot of health issues such as gut health and digestive issues, compromised immune system, cardiovascular health, muscle tension and pain, fatigue, nervous system activation, and stress hormone levels. (HealthLine.com)

How we process emotions affects a lot of things, and processing them in a healthy way is a form of good stewardship.

Although the Bible is full of examples of God experiencing emotions, they have gotten a bum rap in the church,

For more information on why processing emotions is so important for Christians, you can check out my post on What the Church Needs to Know About Emotions and Why Emotional Maturity is Vital For Christians

Learning to Sit With and Process Our Emotions

Learning to sit with our feelings is important. We naturally and though conditioning want to avoid uncomfortable things, however, it is often in the uncomfortable that growth happens most.

Before reaching for a coping mechanism, sit with your feelings for a while. Process the emotions in a healthy way.

Create a Safe Space

As you begin to work on processing emotions in a healthy way, it can be helpful to find a quiet, comfy environment so you can focus on really feeling things without distraction.

As you do this more and more, you don’t always need to step away to process things.

Notice The Physical

Do a body scan and reflect on what sensations you are experiencing and where. Start with you head and pay attention to the sensations that you feel as you work your way down your body.

What does this feel like in my body? Where does this sensation show up?

Does it cause tightness in my chest? Butterflies in my stomach? Nervous energy buzzing in my body?

When we have been taught to repress our emotions, this can be especially hard to do, but as we practice processing emotions in a healthy way, we begin to truly feel these things.

Identify

What am I feeling? Can I name it? What emotions do you associate with the sensations in your body?

Use the “I feel” model, instead of the “I am”.

“I feel lonely” instead of “I am lonely.” It is a little shift, but it helps us to identify the emotion and doesn’t take on the emotion as our identity.

You are not your feeling, you do not have to act, just experience.

If you cannot name it, an emotions wheel might be helpful. They are great for expanding your emotional vocabulary.

Sit With That Emotion

Let your feelings exist without judgement or intellectualizing.

The goal is to experience your feelings without labeling them good or bad, or saying we shouldn’t feel this way because xyz.

Validate Your Feelings

I will share a bit more about this later, but for this practice, what would you tell your best friend if they were going through this?

Get Curious

Curiosity is such a powerful tool in so many things. With our emotions it’s important to approach them with curiosity and not judgement.

• What triggered this feeling?
• Is this really about what is happening now, or is it an old wound?
• What is this feeling trying to tell me?
• Is there action that needs to be taken?

Express and Release

Focus on releasing any tension you may feel in your body.

Some things that can help:

• Pushing on a wall
• Breath Prayers
• Wringing a towel
• Humming or singing
• Butterfly hug (bilateral stimulation)
• Press your palms together firmly.
• Dance
• Lying down on your back with your legs up a wall
• Diaphragmatic breathing
• 5-4-3-2-1 grounding technique
• Rolling shoulders forwards and then backwards several times
• Unclench you jaw/shoulders
• Shake out your hands and roll your wrists
• Hip circles
• Swinging/rocking
• Slowly contract and release the muscle of your body starting with your head and working your way down
• Audibly sigh
• Walk in grass barefoot
• Stretching slowly

A Note About Somatic Therapy and Practices

Some Christians mistakenly believe that somatic therapy is “New Age”. Pater Levine states that it is not new age. It is built on psychobiological research, not spiritual or mystical practices.

It focuses on your body’s autonomic nervous system (ANS), which plays a critical role in how you regulate and express emotions and how we experience them.

The Psalms and Proverbs are full of imagery and descriptions of how emotions impact the physical body (Psalm 6:2-4, Psalm 32:3, Proverbs 14:30, Proverbs 17:22)

Trauma and repressed emotions often wire our nervous system to be in a state of fight or flight, always on guard. You can know the Truth of the Word, yet you can still feel anxiety, numbness, hypervigilance, or depression because of how these have impacted you.

Somatic therapy practices are designed to help rewire your nervous system in a healthy way, integrating your body, mind, and soul. This principle of the body, mind, and soul are portrayed throughout Scripture. (Mark 12:30-31 is one example)

A Note About Conventional Therapy

I plan to write more on this topic later, for now though, I want to say that there is nothing shameful about seeking a licensed therapist’s help if you are having an especially hard time with your emotions (including depression and anxiety which contrary to popular teachings, cannot always be prayed away). 

The Bible speaks of seeking wise counsel many times in Proverbs (Proverbs 12:15, Proverbs 19:20, Proverbs 1:5, Proverbs 13:10 to name a few).

Just as sometimes we need medical attention, sometimes our minds need professional help. Make sure that you seek therapy from a licensed provider. Unfortunately in many cases, church counseling or pastoral counseling is not considered safe as it follows a codependency model of practice.

Nutrition’s Impact on Emotional and Mental Health

Something to consider if you are having a hard time regulating your emotions or struggle with anxiety or depression is that nutritional deficiencies can greatly impact mental and emotional health. 

Diet plays a key role in how our bodies and brains process and respond to things.

Journaling

Journaling is a great way to decompress and untangle our thoughts and feelings surrounding events and triggers. This helps integrate the experience so that we can start moving on.

Some things like grief and feelings regarding trauma can take a while to work through and it is important to note that healing isn’t linear. If we are acknowledging our emotions, over time we heal each time those emotions come around (great video about this from Isabella Pettner with more on this).

Journaling is a common way to process and explore our emotions. All you need is a notebook and a writing utensil. Free writing whatever comes to mind about your emotions and what is going on helps our brain process the raw feelings.

I highly recommend the Untangle Workbook by Marc Alan Schelske to really dig into what is going on and make sense of things.

There are a lot of free journal prompts on Pinterest for processing emotions. I’ve added some to my Emotional Maturity Series Board.

Validation

I think that we often equate validation with agreement or approval. It is not that at all.

Validation is making space for a person’s feelings and allowing them to feel their feelings without trying to fix it or give advice or tell them why they shouldn’t be feeling something.

Allowing them to process emotions in a safe place with us.

Acknowledging that those feelings are hard or the situation is difficult and it’s okay to not be okay.

Some beautiful phrases to validate someone’s emotions (even your own):

• I can see how you would feel that way.
• I’m sorry that happened.
• That must be really hard.
• How frustrating.
• It’s okay to cry.

Validation is Not

Unfortunately with the rise of books like Toxic Empathy and The Sin of Empathy, validation has been conflated with agreement or approval. It’s not.

It’s not encouraging them to stay stuck, but giving space for the emotions to be processed before moving on. I shared a reel about how this can help us through things here.

If you are speaking with another person, active listening is a great way to validate their feelings.

A Final Note

I do think that the church has done a great disservice to Christians in their handling of emotions. One of the ways it has negatively impacted Christians is that we aren’t taught how to process emotions in a healthy way, especially if they are considered a ‘bad’ emotion.

Can you name the physical sensations that accompany your emotions? What is your favorite way to help your body process emotions? How many emotions can you name?