Emotions Have Gotten a Bad Rap in the Church

 Often in the church, we are told that emotions should not count for anything. That if we ignore them and focus on Scripture, they will go away. That they are certainly not spiritual. That they will only lead to sin. 

We might be told that there are good emotions, & bad emotions. We are kind of allowed to experience & express ‘good’ emotions, but not ‘bad’ ones. 

But, the truth is, there are no ‘good’ or ‘bad’ emotions. They are simply emotions.

Peter Scazzaro wrote “God intends that we mature in learning to recognize how he speaks & guides us through our feelings.”

Ignoring our emotions is turning our back on reality; listening to our emotions ushers us into reality. And reality is where we meet God.”
― Dan Allender, The Cry of the Soul: How Our Emotions Reveal Our Deepest Questions about God

Emotion is a gift from God to help us relate to Him and one another. Our feelings are important to our journey of faith.-Daniel Henderson

What Are Emotions?

Emotions are:

“mental reaction (such as anger or fear) subjectively experienced as strong feeling usually directed toward a specific object & typically accompanied by physiological & behavioral changes in the body” Merriam-Webster Dictionary

Emotions are affected by the situations you find yourself in, your past experiences (the lenses through which you view the situation), &  what details you pay attention to.

 They affect your behavior & can affect you physically as well (when you are embarrassed you might blush, when you are scared you might jump, or if you are angry you might shake).

“The truth is emotions are an essential God‑given source of wisdom and guidance.” -Marc Alan Schelske

Emotions vs Feelings

While used interchangeably in many conversations, they are in fact different.

Feelings arise from an emotional experience. Because a person is conscious of the experience, this is classified in the same category as hunger or pain. A feeling is the result of an emotion and may be influenced by memories, beliefs and other factors. UWA.EDU

Why Do Emotions Matter?

Dan Allender & Tremper Longman write: 

“Ignoring our emotions is turning our backs on reality. Listening to our emotions ushers us into reality. & reality is where we meet God.”

 Peter Scazzaro says ”God designed our bodies to respond physiologically to those in the world around us….”

It is important to recognize the emotions that we experience, & process what is causing us to experience it, the trigger so to speak. When we recognize what the catalyst for the emotions are, we can better handle situations. 

Emotions are like a dashboard warning light. We are experiencing something that at least subconsciously is sending up a red flag. You wouldn’t drive thousands of miles ignoring your check engine light, would you?

When we begin to understand how to process emotions in a healthy way, we are better able to understand why we are experiencing them.

Anger, for instance, if often protective. It is usually a secondary emotion that we experience bigger than our primary emotion to protect us.

Bottling up & ignoring emotions has documented health effects including increased stress, sleep disruptions, tension, weakened immune system and autoimmune issues, digestive issues, unexplained headaches, & often disproportionate reactivity when you finally reach a boiling point. 

“Suppressed or denied feelings make us less sensitive and empathetic towards others, as we cut off access to those emotional experiences within ourselves.” Dr Lindsay C Gibson, Disentangling from Emotionally Immature People

“Learning to listen to the truth revealed in our emotions is not only important for a well‑lived life, but also vital for healthy Christian discipleship.”-Marc Alan Schelske

Aren’t Emotions Sinful? 

Just about any time someone brings up emotions or feelings there’s usually that person that quotes “the heart is wicked & deceitful beyond” (that used to be me quoting it). 

Let’s look at this verse, & the context more.

Context is always key when studying Scripture. Without context, you can twist Scripture to say just about anything.

This chapter is contrasting the man who relies on mankind, versus the man who trusts the Lord. 

Cursed is the man who trusts in mankind, but blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord. 

It goes on to verses 9 & 10:

“The heart is more deceitful than all else
& is desperately sick;
Who can understand it?
10
“I, the Lord, search the heart,
I test the mind,
Even to give to each man according to his ways,
According to the results of his deeds.

Often we only hear verse 9, but if you look at the flow of the chapter contrasting things, it helps bring context to the fact that these verses go together. 

Biblehub.com says this about the word used for deceitful in verse 9:

“The term carries a single idea: that which is bent out of true alignment—whether a roadway, a human heart, or a covenant community.” Biblehub.com

The Word used for Heart here, is the Hebrew word, Leb (Lave). Now, this *can* mean the seat of emotions, however it can also mean “heart (of moral character)” according to Strong’s & that is what  Brown-Driver-Briggs Lexicon says that ‘heart’ means in verse 10.

So, we are talking about the moral character of man, not his emotions. 

Further, if we want to paint emotions as sinful, how do we handle the fact that God and Jesus both are noted as experiencing a wide variety of emotions?

“The gospel writers paint their portraits of Jesus using a kaleidoscope of brilliant ‘emotional’ colors. Jesus felt compassion; he was angry, indignant, and consumed with zeal; he was troubled, greatly distressed, very sorrowful, depressed, deeply moved, and grieved; he sighed; he wept and sobbed; he groaned; he was in agony; he was surprised and amazed; he rejoiced very greatly and was full of joy; he greatly desired, and he loved.” -G Walter Hanson

Consequently, if emotions are indeed sinful, then Jesus’ death as a sinless lamb was not sinless.

I think that Alasdair Groves and Winston T Smith expressed how we should view emotions well when they said:

“When we say, “Listen to your emotions,” we’re not saying, “Agree with them.” We’re saying, “Interpret them.” Become emotionally literate.-J Alasdair Groves and Winston T Smith, Untangling Emotions

What Does the Bible Say About Emotions?

While there are little direct instructions on processing emotions, the Bible actually contains a lot of emotion.

God Experiences Them

The Bible is full of references of God experiencing emotions. 

God experiences

• Pleasure & joy (Genesis 1:25,31: Luke 12:32, Zephaniah 3:17, & many more)
• Jealousy (Exodus 20:5,Exodus 34:14; Joshua 24:19)
• Love (Jeremiah 31:3, 1 John 4:8; John 3:16;)
• Hate (Prov 6:16; Ps 5:5; Ps 11:5)
• Regret & being deeply troubled, grief (Genesis 6:6)
• Compassion (Hosea 11:8, Judges 2:18; Deuteronomy 32:36, & more)

God IS love, but He experiences other emotions too. And not just what we consider ‘good’ emotions either. He experiences them all. If we say that emotions are sinful, what does that say about God?

God experiences a wide variety of emotions, and we are created in His image.

Jesus similarly felt them-both ‘good’ and ‘bad”:

• ‘Sorrowful & troubled’, ‘overwhelmed’ (Matt 26:37-38)
• ‘Anger’ & ‘deep distress’ (Mark 3:5)
• Sadness and grief (John 11:35)
• “Sighing Deeply in his spirit” (Frustration)( Mark 8:12)
• “Indignation”  (Mark 10:14)
• Amazment (Mark 6:6)
• Joy (Luke 10:21, John 15:10-11)
• Exhaustion, overwhelm, overstimulation (Matt 14:13, Mark 6:31, Luke 5:16, John 4:9, John 6:15)
• Loneliness (Matt 26:40-46; John 6:15)

In the garden, he was so stressed, in such anguish he sweat drops of blood.

He was so angry he made a whip to take into the temple to drive out money changers. This process would have taken about a week. He sat with his anger. Didn’t push it away. Didn’t dismiss it with toxic positivity.

If emotions are sinful or demonic as I have recently heard them described as, Jesus’ death on the cross wasn’t a sinless death.

The Psalms are full of all sorts of feelings:

• A majority of the Psalms (about a third of the collection of Psalms) are cries for help in lament, grief, and despair (Psalm 6, Psalm 13, Psalm 22, Psalm 88 and many others)
• Joy is another prominent theme (Psalm 5:11, Psalm 16:11, Psalm 30:5, Psalm 126:2-3, and many, many more)
• Anger and Frustration (Psalm 13:1-2, Psalm 35:1-2 Psalm 35:11, and more)
• Confidence and trust in the Lord (Psalm 56:6, Psalm 131, Psalm 27 to name a few)

The Psalms validate our feelings and also show us that we can bring our unfiltered feelings to the Lord.

Other Bible verses about emotions:

• Lamentations is all about lament and grief
• Ephesians 4:6 tells us not to sin in our anger, not to never be angry
• Proverbs covers many feelings-from anger and sorrow to joy to contentment

Spiritual Bypassing

Spiritual bypassing is when we use Scripture to avoid the uncomfortable. This can show up as toxic positivity, weaponizing forgiveness, dismissing boundaries, or brushing abuse under the rug.

In this case, emotional avoidance (not dealing with, minimizing, or avoiding ‘bad’ emotions) is spiritual bypassing.

Even though we are told to mourn with those who mourn, we are extremely uncomfortable in non-positive situations.

That can lead to using plucked Scripture out of context to try to cheer someone up and rushing them through their emotions.

“They’re in a better place.” “We don’t mourn as those without hope” “We’ll see them again one day.” “They are with Jesus now.” Are all things I hear frequently at funerals. These are well meant, however it can short circuit the grieving process.

People are pressured to forgive (many actually mean reconcile, but the two things have been conflated in the church today) instead of sitting with them in the uncomfortable hurt or the discomfort of holding the offender accountable.

“Just look at the bright side…” “Focus on the good.” “At least you don’t have it as bad as xys” are things that fall into the cult of toxic positivity meant to minimize and avoid uncomfortable feelings.

A healthy process doesn’t try to rush the emotional or healing process.

Instead of making us spiritually mature, it makes us emotionally immature.

“Christian spirituality, without an integration of emotional health, can be deadly—to yourself, your relationship with God, and the people around you.”
― Peter Scazzero, Emotionally Healthy Spirituality: Unleash a Revolution in Your Life In Christ

An Inside Out Analogy

In the movie, Inside Out, Joy and Sadness are trying to get back to headquarters. The encounter Riley’s imaginary friend, Bing Bong. He knows the fastest way to get to the train they must catch.

Bing Bong breaks down at one point, and Joy tries to avoid his feelings and press him onward.

Sadness sits with him. Validates his feelings, and helps him process things so that they can get back on task.

Although Joy tries to distract BingBong, it is ultimately sadness sitting with him in the uncomfortable that moves things forward.

It further illustrates the point that validation and healthy processing of feelings, often helps us move through them quicker than bypassing them.

(I made a reel about this, you can find it here)

A Missed Opportunity For Personal Growth and Connection with God

I think Christians are sometimes especially prone to shame when engaging emotions, because we tend to develop the spiritual reflex of labeling certain emotions or levels of intensity as bad. Then, by repenting as quickly as possible to escape the shame, we don’t really understand what is going on in our hearts and miss the opportunity to really grow.- J Alasdair Groves and Winston T Smith

They go on to write some questions we can ask ourselves:

“What does this mean?”

“What exactly is making me so angry?”

“What is God trying to show me, and how can He help me?”

“What is this emotion telling me about me?”

“What is this emotion telling me about God?”

“What is my emotion telling me about my neighbor?”

-J Alasdair Groves and Winston T Smith

What we can do to facilitate emotional growth & maturity

First, we have to acknowledge the problem. The church has minimized emotions so much that emotional intelligence & maturity are not something that is taught or focused on.

Overall, it is important that we are willing to learn & allow the Lord to change us & grow us emotionally.

We can learn about what emotions are trying to tell us. For example, anger is often over a boundary being disrespected. Being upset can be about feeling misunderstood or disrespected. Overwhelm can be too much going on. Emotions can often point to things that need to change to keep our check engine light off. 

We can learn to process our emotions in a healthy way. Untangle Workbook is a great resource for sorting though and making sense of our emotions.

And we can teach our children how to deal with their emotions in a healthy way, both by modeling it & intentionally teaching them.

We can start a church book study on books meant to help you grow both spiritually & emotionally.

Resources for Further Learning

Finally, I am still learning about healthy emotional processing and emotional maturity, but these are some of the resources that have helped greatly in my journey.

Becky Castle Miller, Marc Alan Schelske, and Ann-Marie Covert are fantastic speakers on emotions and related issues.

The Wisdom of Your Heart, Journaling for Spiritual and Emotional Maturity, and Untangle Workbook by Marc Alan Schelske have all been great tools in learning about emotions and emotional maturity.

Untangling Emotions by Alasdair Groves and Winston T Smith and Feel by Matthew Elliot are ones I am currently reading and they have been quite good so far.

You can find more reading picks in my emotional maturity board here. I’ve also gathered a Pinterest board of resources on emotional maturity and you can find that here.

Check out my post on why emotional maturity is essential for Christians here.

In Conclusion

One of the things I’ve been deconstructing over the past few years has been what I was taught about emotions. It has been a great growth process, and I am still learning.

What were you taught about emotions? Do you view emotions as good or bad?