Why is praying for your marriage is so important?

Today I want to share with you about the importance of praying for your marriage, as well as share some prayers that I pray for my own marriage. Many are based on Scripture. Some of these verses are addressing our treatment and interaction with fellow believers and not necessarily our husband or family, but they are still applicable to our interactions with our husband and family.

Some Notes on These Prayers

These prayers are in the context of two believers in a marriage. If you are married to an unbeliever, they can be modified and there are many other things that you can pray for in your marriage. 

These are also in the context of a non-abusive marriage. If you are in an unhealthy situation, please make sure that you are safe and seek out a licensed Christian marriage therapist that is experienced in dealing with abuse and trauma that does not hold to a codependency model. Sarah MacDugal has some great resources for women looking for safe therapists.

Why Praying for Your Marriage Is So Important

Let’s begin with why praying for your marriage is incredibly important. 

Be of sober spirit, be on the alert. Your adversary, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.

1 Peter 5:8

In 1 Peter we are told that there is an enemy seeking (active word) people to devour and that we must be watchful (alert) and sober minded. 

Our enemy is intentional about seeking those he can destroy. We must be intentional about watching and praying for our marriage. 

Over and over in the Word we are told to be alert and watchful:

With all prayer and petition, pray at all times in the spirit and with this in view be on alert with perseverance

Ephesians 6:18

Devote yourselves to prayer, keeping alert in it with an attitude of thanksgiving

Colossians4:2

So then let us not sleep as others do, but let us be alert and sober.  For those who sleep do their sleeping at night, and those who get drunk get drunk at night.  But since we are of the day, let us be sober, having put on the breastplate of faith and love, and as a helmet, the hope of salvation.

1 Thessalonians 5:6-8

We are told to prepare for battle

 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of His might.  Put on the full armor of God, so that you will be able to stand firm against the schemes of the devil.  For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places. Therefore, take up the full armor of God, so that you will be able to resist in the evil day, and having done everything, to stand firm. Stand firm therefore, having girded your loins with truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness,  and having shod your feet with the preparation of the gospel of peace; in addition to all, taking up the shield of faith with which you will be able to extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one.  And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.
With all prayer and petition pray at all times in the Spirit, and with this in view, be on the alert with all perseverance and petition for all the saints

Ephesians 6:10-18

Therefore, prepare your minds for action, keep sober in spirit, fix your hope completely on the grace to be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ. 

1 Peter 1:13

You do not have to look far to see that marriage, as God defines it, is under attack.

God’s Three Answers to Prayer

God has three answers to prayer.

Yes, I was just waiting for you to ask. 

I think of how, as a mom, I anticipate my children’s needs and desires. When they go out to play, I prepare water bottles and snacks because I know that they will need them. When they come back in and ask for them, I tell them yes. I was just waiting for them to ask.

When we come before God and admit our needs, or shortcomings, it is admitting that we cannot do it on our own.

No.

This is not in my plan for you, I have something else in mind.

Wait, it is not my timing for this.

This is probably the hardest answer to deal with, but there is much growth done in waiting. It forces us to flex and push our faith muscles to their breaking points, just as we do our physical muscles when we want to build them.

When a butterfly is emerging from its cocoon, it struggles through a small opening. You can try to help the butterfly by cutting the cocoon, but this really harms the butterfly in the end. You see, when the butterfly is squeezing through that small opening, it forces blood into its wings so that it can fly. If you remove that from the process, it makes it impossible for the butterfly to survive and thrive as it should.

Sometimes there are lessons to be learned, and refining to be done in the waiting.

I very recently had a major answer to prayer in my own marriage. It has been six years that I have been praying for this to happen. I have grown a lot in my faith, and my reliance on the Lord in the waiting.

Some ways we are praying for our marriage

Getting down to some things that I pray over our marriage often.

Praying for your marriage/spouse to not become an idol.

An idol is anything-even good, God-given things-that takes God’s place

Are we looking to our husband to fill our needs/cup instead of God?

Are we looking to find our identity from our husbands? 

Are we looking for him for our ultimate peace or comfort?

Do we worry more about what our husband thinks than what God thinks?

Are we more motivated to please/serve our husband than the Lord?

• Matthew 6:33
• Psalm 46:10
• Psalm 119:2

Praying for your marriage to be centered on/in Christ

If a piece on a potter’s wheel is off center, or the potter loses center during the making of the piece, that piece will collapse.

• Matthew 6:33
• Colossians 2:6-7
• Proverbs 16:3

Another illustration is that of a plumb line. A plumb line is a line with a weight on the end that a builder will use to make sure that things are square and level. If you are not building according to the plumb line, your building will lack structural integrity. 

That we would each, individually grow closer to the Lord.

Unity of Mind with spouse.

Scripture is full of verses about the importance of unity in the body of Christ, and a marriage is no exception.

• 1 Corinthians 1:10
• Philippians 2:2
• Psalm 133:1
• Ephesians 4:3-6
• 1 Peter 3:8

That We Would Not Grow Weary in Doing Good

Sometimes doing the right thing is hard, and can be tiring. Marriages and parenting, as well as any other ministry take a lot of work, be it emotional, mental, or physical.

• Galatians 6:9
• Colossians 3:23-24

Praying for your marriage to be used for ministy

That God would open our eyes to opportunities and give us words to use to make the most of the opportunities.

• Colossians 4:2-5

That we would be a pictures of God’s love to one another and that our love would be fervent

• 1 Peter 4:8
• 1 Corinthians 13

An exercise that I do periodically is reading 1 Cor 13 and substituting the word love with my name. I pray that the Lord would strengthen the areas that I am weak in.

That We Would Live Righteously and Justly

• Proverbs 21:2-3
• 1 John 3:10
• 1 Peter 2:9-12
• Micah 6:8

That The Lord Would Build Our House and Community 

• Psalm 127:1

That We Would Seek Him With Our Whole Hearts

• Jeremiah 29:13

That we would take off the old self and put on the new self.

When we come to Christ we are a new creation. We are His. There is refining that He does once we have come to Him. Almost like the dead layers of an onion being pulled off before the onion is used. 

Scripture uses the metaphor of taking off the old and putting on the new.

• Colossians 3:12-14
• Ephesians 4:17-32

That Our Ways Would Be Pleasing to the Lord

• Proverbs 16:7

Praying for your marriage to have clear communication and encouragement

The word is full of references to the power of the tongue and the importance of understanding

• James 1:19
• Ephesians 4:29
• Proverbs 15:1, 4, 28
• Psalm 141:3
• Colossians 4:6
• Proverbs 12:18
• Psalm 19:14
• Proverbs 18:2,21
• Ephesians 4:15
• Colossians 3:8
• Matthew 15:18-19
• Matthew 12: 36
• Proverbs 16:24
• Proverbs 17:27
• Proverbs 21:23

That We Would Sharpen Each Other & Build One Another Up

As a body of Christ, we hold one another accountable, correcting and helping each other grow in our walks. Marriages are within the body of Christ and should be a place of accountability and growth.

• Proverbs 27:17
• 1 Thessalonians 5:11
• Hebrews 10:24
• Ephesians 4:29
• Galatians 6:1
• Luke 17:3

Praying for your marriage to be strong in emotional and spiritual intimacy, not only physical

Much focus on intimacy in Christian marriage teachings is on the physical side, however emotional and spiritual intimacy are just as important for both husbands and wives.

• Roman 12:15
• Galatians 6:2
• Ephesians 4:32
• 1 Peter 3:8
• Colossians 3:22

That We Would Be Anxious About Nothing, but Take Everything to Him in Prayer

• Philippians 4:6-7

Renewed Minds/World View

Having a Renewed Mind and View of Things  is Important

• Romans 12:2 
• Ephesians 1:18

In the movie National Treasure, there is a scene in which the characters find a pair of spectacles that allow them to see a hidden map, depending on the lenses that they use on them. When Ephesians talks about “the eyes of our hearts may be enlightened”, this is what I think of.

• Ephesians 5:18

What does being drunk affect? Pretty much everything, right? We are told to be drunk, or full to the brim with the Holy Spirit. That should change us.

That We Would Have Godly Wisdom

• 1 Corinthians 3:18-20

The Bible makes it clear that the Lord’s wisdom is not like the wisdom of this world.

That We Would Walk By the Spirit & That The Fruit of the Spirit Would Be Evident in Our Lives

• Galatians 5:16,22-25

Being Spirit lead is important, but especially in marriage and parenting.

That God Would Open Our Eyes to Understand His Word

• Psalm 119:18,27,33-35

That We Would Delight in the Word of the Lord

• Psalm 119

To truly delight in the Word of the Lord, to hunger for it.

That We Would Be Steadfast in Our Trust of the Lord

• Isaiah 26:3-4

That We Would Walk in the Light

• 1 John 1:6-7; 2 3-6
• Ephesians 5:8-10, 15-16
• Psalm 89:15
• John 8:12; 12:35-36
• Colossians 1:10

That We Would Focus on the Good

“Not even the best spouse in the world could ever withstand a constant spotlight on their flaws”

Dave Rieke

• Philippians 4:8
• 1 Corinthians 13:7

It’s about believing and hoping all things. Giving the benefit of the doubt. Seeing your spouse as having a hard time, not trying to give you one.

If that is your characteristic attitude, your over all view, it will save a lot of issues.

Does this mean we cannot address issues or should take abuse? Absolutely not!

Clear communication is important, and again, we do still need to address ungodly behavior with our spouse and should not ‘just take’ any abuse (physical, emotion, spiritual, or mental).

Praying for your marriage intentionally is important

We must be intentional about our faith, our family and our marriages. If we do not intentionally put forth effort, they will suffer just as an unattended garden would. Sure, it may haphazardly grow a few things, but it will not bear the fruit it could if it was intentionally cared for and nurtured.

Are you praying for your marriage regularly?

Bible Verse For Wives | Ways to Spice Up Your Marriage