Family · Marriage

Focusing on the Good in Your Husband~Guest Post

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I would like to thank Amber for this great post on comparing our husbands.

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couple holding hands on the beach- focusing on the good in your husband

Some Back Story

As a freshmen in high school I went on a retreat with the youth group of the church I attended at the time. This retreat was only for girls and was a look into our future and a way for us to start thinking of marriage and what we one day might desire in a husband. This was the first time I had ever heard of making a list of attributes that would be desirable in a future mate.

Growing up in a family with a single mother – my daddy passed when I was 3 – I had little concept of what the role of a husband looked like or what traits to even write down on my list. Fast forward nine years and I met the man I will marry.

Fun fact, I knew from the instant I set eyes on him he was the one. He was also the first and only man I ever dated.

Qualities in a Husband

My list of qualifications had grown a little since the long ago high school retreat. I of course knew I desired to marry a Christian, I knew he had to love children and want a family of his own and that I wanted someone who was a hard worker and would gladly provide for his family fulfilling the Biblical principles of the gender roles God has given.

God was gracious and in giving me my husband checked off my entire list and then some. This year makes 10 years since I have known my husband and eight years that we have been married. When you live with someone day in and day out you know them like no one else.

Comparing Our Husbands

I have had women come to me and say things like “I wish my husband were as mechanical as your husband” (Lance was indeed gifted with a mechanical brain!) or “Lance is such a good daddy, I wish my husband paid half the attention to my children as he does”.

Lance would be the first to tell you he is not perfect, and there have been times I have had similar thoughts such as “I wish he were more romantic” or “I wish he were a little less interested in football” cross my mind.

We, as humans, have an almost innate quality of comparing our lives to those around us and often in a not so uplifting way. The apostle Paul talks about contentment in Philippians 4

Not that I speak from need, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am. I know how to get along with little, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need. 

Philippians 4:11-12

Digging Deeper

I want to dig into this verse a bit today in regards to our marriage and the way we view our husbands.

Contextually this verse is not talking about marriage, but I do believe it is applicable. Paul says that he has learned that in whatever situation he finds himself in to be content.

Ladies your husband may want nothing to do with football and my husband may have the mechanical skills yours does not, but we are missing the point if we pine after traits from other husbands.

The beautiful thing is, God created Lance to be a perfect match for me and your husband to be just the man you needed.

Shifting Focus

Let’s not focus so much on their “negative” qualities that we forget all the good they also have about them.

Now, can our husbands work on changing some of their nagging habits?

Yes! Just as well as we can; we all have our imperfections and habits that may annoy our spouse.

Let us be wives that look for the good in our men and instead of wishing away the not so great habits, pray that they would grow in those areas.

Another scripture apropos to this discussion is Exodus 20:17,“You shall not covet.”

When we look at a friend’s husband and wish ours were more like hers we are coveting.

There is a reason that God has instructed us not to covet; nothing good comes from it. If you have ever been in a situation of coveting you realize that it breeds frustration, jealousy and a tendency to only focus on the negative.

As you can imagine, these things are hard on any marriage!

Keeping Perspective

It truly is important to have a perspective of honoring God through the love we give to our husbands.

We must remember that they too are both sinners and image bearers of the Lord.

Unless of course your husband has been abusive, focusing on his positive traits and building him up in those areas while praying (not correcting….praying) for the rough edges in his life is sure to go far in your marriage.

A Challenge

I would like to issue us a challenge as we walk into this new year.

If you are in a healthy marriage, work at looking for the positive traits in your husband.

  • Is he a good provider?
  • Does he initiate family Bible study?
  • Is your man good at remembering special dates or at sending you flirty messages throughout the day?

Praise him for those qualities and thank him for the role he has in your life!

Make this the year that you endeavor to not speak negatively about your husband to your girlfriends.

The Power of Praying for Your Husband

Lastly, but most importantly something we should all be doing more of is praying for our husbands.

Pray for their walks with the Lord, for their witness to be strong, for their relationships with their children and over your marriage.

Talk to God on his behalf about the work he does and ask God to draw your
husband closer to Him.

It is when we do these things as wives that we will discover how amazing our husbands truly are. I’m sure you have heard that when a man and woman are actively falling in love they wear rose colored glasses, their partner can do no wrong. Women, we don’t have to replace those glasses when we are married, there is no ordinance stating newlywed life must end.

Strong marriages have a foundation of Christ and are built with mutual love and respect of each other. Let’s be wives that honor this!


My Two Cent

I love this post so much!

Amber mentions that coveting causes all sorts of problems, and it is very true. I thought of Theodore Roosevelt’s quote “Comparison is the Thief of Joy” when I was reading that section.

Prayer and Praise are huge! The grass is greener where you water it!

My pastor did a sermon on focusing on what is true and lovely last year that has really stuck with me.

He said that “Not even the best spouse in the world could ever withstand a constant spotlight on their flaws.”

Looking for the good, or bad you are sure to find it. Let us focus on what is true and lovely about our husbands!


About Amber

Amber is a Jesus-loving gal who is married to Lance, and momma to their two precious sons aged 5 and 2.5. She and her family reside in Montana “where the mountains meet the prairie.” Her days are spent writing (she has co-authored the books Walk By the Spirit and a newly released book on
friendship), blogging (with a mission to teach women to cultivate deep relationships with the One True King), and educating her littles. Amber enjoys reading, all things coffee related, distance running, baking and going on adventures with her family. You can find Amber on Instagram, and

4 thoughts on “Focusing on the Good in Your Husband~Guest Post

  1. Thank you so much for allowing me to share my heart. I have appreciated working with you and getting to know you!

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