For much of my life I struggled with singleness. Seeing everyone in my circles marry and have kids. Tough when you’ve never even had a boy friend.
Being in church and going to youth camps you hear that God has a plan for you. That He’s given you dreams for a reason.
You hear about running the race for God. How you should focus on the finish line. If you don’t you stumble and fall. If God brings someone along to run with you for a while, you don’t just stop running and focus on them. You keep running. If they are with you after a while longer pray about running together.
You hear about God making Mr Right for you. How you need to focus on becoming Miss Right.
I had always dreamed of being a wife and mommy.
I never saw anyone around to run with.
I worked a long time on becoming Miss Right.
I even wrote letters to my future husband.
Then God started working on me.
I read Courting Trouble by Deeanne Gist. Complete fiction, yet it spoke to me in a way books on singleness had not.
I realized I needed to marry Jesus.
Driving home from a trip just after finishing Courting Trouble when God brought to mind lyrics from a song that, to this day I do not really remember anything but the one line of.
“El Shaddai, all sufficient”
My God is all sufficient. He is everything I need. I cannot look to any human to fill the hole meant for him. No man will ever complete me.
I finally let go of my dream of getting married, starting a large family. Being a mommy, cuddling with a hubby and babies. Like Essie in the book, I gave it up. I was married to Jesus. Not easy, it took some time.
I stopped trying to be Miss Right for some guy, but focused on becoming who God wanted me to be in Him.
I stopped writing letters to my husband. If I was marrying Jesus, my prayers to Him were my letters.
I told God if He wanted me to every marry, He would have to literally put the guy on my doorstep and have him ask me.
Funny how God works, I struggled with letting go from like January to May and was finally okay with it in June. In October, a dear friend of mine asked me out. A month to the day later he proposed. In January we were married. We now have two beautiful children.
God wants us to hand over our dreams, to really let go of them, laying them at His feet. Sometimes He hands them back better than we’d imagined. Sometimes He has something completely different, but much better in mind.
Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.
Matthew 6:33
When we seek Him and His will for our lives, we don’t have to worry with the rest.

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